The recovery rewired approach

Among these faces are my dad, my best friend, a sponsee and others who were close to me. They were part of my life, and their loss is something I still carry.

They were people first—sons and daughters, parents, partners, friends and chosen family. They had stories and dreams, and people who counted on them and loved them. Substance use was part of their story, but it was never the whole story.

They were carrying pain they did not know how to face and fear they did not know how to move through. The very thing they reached for to escape that pain eventually took their lives.

I do not believe we are broken, worthless, weak or deliberately sabotaging ourselves. I believe we found ways to cope with pain—and those ways worked. They quieted the noise, softened our feelings and helped us survive what we did not yet know how to face. Without the ways I learned to cope, I honestly do not know whether I would be alive today.

We do not easily let go of something that has proven it can give us relief. Often, the pain it is causing must become greater than the fear of living without it. What looks like a choice from the outside can feel like captivity from within.

Getting sober is about more than stopping. When we remove the substance or behaviour, we also lose the buffer we used to manage our thoughts and feelings. The original obsession may quiet, but the discomfort underneath it does not automatically disappear. Our mind may simply find another way to soothe or escape.

This is why knowing better is not enough. A part of us is still trying to protect us with an old solution. Lasting recovery means understanding what that solution was doing for us, uncovering what lies beneath it and creating a new way forward.

We do not need to be fixed. We need to be understood.

I believe the psychosocial model works. Education, support, connection and practical skills are all important parts of recovery. The problem is not what we teach. It is when we teach it.

In my experience, too many treatment centres are doing recovery backwards. Once someone is medically stable, they are quickly expected to absorb information and practise new skills—often within their first week—while the deeper emotional work comes later. But someone who does not yet feel safe cannot fully benefit from what they are being taught.

When the nervous system is stuck in fight, flight, freeze, fawn or flop, decisions are made from a place of survival rather than safety. I believe we need to begin by helping people reconnect their mind, body and spirit. This supports emotional regulation, helps them begin processing trauma and difficult feelings, and gives them the space to hear and trust their intuition again.

Once people feel safer within themselves, they have a greater capacity to absorb information, practise new skills and use those skills when they need them. The psychosocial model can then help them build a stronger foundation and a recovery toolkit they can actually use.

We do not need to discard the psychosocial model. We need to prepare people to receive it.